After a prying session with my therapist left me open and reflective, I felt the urge to pay notice to a certain tug on my heart string, calling for attention. This session in particular marked some progress. During mid sesh, I was asked by therapist to pause breathe and sit with some pain rising up from my past, involving an early relationship I didn’t know was still unresolved.
When our zoom session ended, I turned on my lofi music playlist (which never fails to unblock my emotions), sat on my bed, and started folding a small mountain of freshly done laundry to ease my mind. After folding about one tshirt and two pairs of socks, a deep heaviness in my chest swelled with waterworks arriving on cue. Before folding another pair of socks, I started bawling. I surrendered. Lying back and covering my face with a pillow, I allowed myslef to return to that space in me that called for attention.
My feelings lead me to a vision of seeing my past selves that endured painful situations, or ended up causing pain to others. In most of these memories, I imagined walking up to my past self before a situation happened, called out my name, and lent my hand to them. I then would imagine embracing my past selves, then while embracing, we’d turn into light, one by one; calmly saving each from painful situations. Each of myselves, from 2020 me to my infant self, was embraced and saved.
Once I saved them all, I imagined all of my selves standing together holding eachother in a white room, including baby me being held by teenage me. They were all safe, loved. I then hugged and kissed each of them, telling them that I loved them and that they will always be loved. I hugged middle school me and told him how much of a handsome and loving guy he is. I held and comforted baby me. I hugged and cried with adult me like a brother.
Eventually I spent a moment with each one until I felt it was time to go. Before leaving though, I made sure each of them carried love. I proceeded to form a glowing ball of bright light, the size of a beach ball, in my hands. With a crack, its outer shell fell off and what was left was pure radiating love energy. Walking up to each self, I gave them their own ball of love energy which they held. Baby me was swaddled in a white blanket so I laid it down next to him. I then explained the following out loud to them: this is infinite love and it will always protect you. Remember, when life seems challenging and dark, your love is always with you and lights your way from within. Believe in this because it is true. Trust you are love and you are loved, forever. I am so grateful for you all and will always be with each of you. I love you all so so much. I love you.
Tears rolling down my face, still in my imagination, I turned and walked away. Heading towards a door with flooding bright light I seen a hand slowly reach out, which I grasped. I found myself carried into a deep relaxed state, almost floating with nothing in my vision. I came back.
By the end of this, I cried like I had left my own children, which is a first because I don’t have any (not counting my wonderful nieces and nephews!). Suddenly, I felt a sense of peace wash over me that was out of reach for years. My connection to past selves was as real as i’d ever imagined.
Sure, I’d call this a self love exercise, and an exercise forsure since it took a lot out of me. This healing was provided as a vision that I was guided on, necessary to not only shine a light on my past but to rescript it. Watching an interview with Pam Oslie, psychic and aura reader, on manifestation the day before, I faintly remembered her mentioning how it’s sometimes necessary to rescript our past but we must first let go of beliefs that don’t serve us anymore. Then second, believe in a reality of our choosing. I think hearing her speak on this prompted me, and its working. Good look Pam!
I found this to be one of the most heartfelt visions i’ve had to date and so grateful for it’s healing.
If you feel inclined to practice it, do it. You got nothing to lose.
What impactful healing practices or exercises have you experienced on your journey? I’d love to know!
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Happy holidays! Till next time ya’ll.
With Love + good vibes
Gaelan
This reminds me of what my friend told me about how we're made of a community of all of our past selves, and any intimate relationship we've ever had. It reminds me that time is non-linear, that we have the ability to time travel to heal--if we so choose. Thank you for this beautiful reflection <3