An unexpected welcome
An essay about my path to energy healing
This is part one of a three parter where I share my journey into reiki.
I’m new to reiki, not yet a master or an energy healing expert, so please review my links referenced below for further research when considering your own experience. Also, if and when reiki(or any healing modality) enters your life, welcome it with an open mind and heart.
Beginning
Reiki.
This one word, was a parting gift.
The word fell off my ex-love’s lips weeks before dropping a paper bag full of my lively-hood at my doorstep(one of the less subtle signs of a break up).
Inside paper bag: A couple boxer briefs folded neatly, an old t-shirt (also folded neatly), a book gifted to me on my birthday, and a handwritten letter I wrote them weeks prior, reconciling our first break.
Just like that. Our relation[ship] hit the rocks, lay beached, with no signs of going any further; forced to figure out this healing stuff apart.
Fast forward one month and this word reiki would begin to hold a presence in my life.
What is reiki?
Reiki is a holistic healing modality, a method of energy healing where a trained practitioner channels energy into a patient’s energy field, aiding their body’s natural healing process. Reiki literally means Universal (Rei) Energy (Ki). One way I think of it is like an infinite pool of healing energy, waiting to be drawn from.
“There is nothing new under the sun”1
There are endless sources that describe reiki in its entirety and its founding history.2 Since diving deep, I’ve learned that other faiths and religions have performed similar energy healing practices for centuries.
The dumps
Our relationship chord was snipped, tossing me in a grey numbing pool of depression with no life jacket. Gut checked and in a state of shock, I couldn’t bring myself to eat. My weight dropped, had little to no sleep for days on end, topped off with a lingering ache in my stomach as if being routinely sucker punched. Up to this point, the only good thing to note were the best set of abs i’ve seen on my torso in a long while. A bitter-sweet result of an unhinged regimen of manic workouts, half starvation, and crying myself to sleep. Why didn’t I have these puppies when things were going great?
Bland jokes aside, depressions suck. I felt a strong urge to reach out and be held. Though, overpowered by the burden of not wanting to be a burden served as a barrier against my reaching out. I couldn’t help but consider others had their own struggles. The thought of dragging my heaviness around someone else during this time didn’t feel right.
I made a decision.
Without falling further into any harmful coping patterns, I lingered in bed for about a week doing the bare minimum required to be a functional human i.e. sleep, work, drink fluids, eat what I could. After that it was time to push myself and work with this painful situation; try to figure out what the hell happened.
How or why it popped into my brain at that moment, I couldn’t tell ya but I clearly remembered my ex casually mention how their friend practiced reiki and it having something to do with healing.
Past instances, all in the name of healing: I've booked sessions with a relationship therapist, held space with fellow men in a men's support circle, clocked-in numerous hours of co-counseling sessions and workshops, even sat mind-blown during a reading with a clairvoyant (making me a believer of the invisible); all good, all effective in their own way but I needed something else. Something i’ve never tried.
My mission: To heal from this whale of a breakup.
My game plan: Book a reiki session.
Meeting reiki
A quick google search lead me to a handful of reiki practitioners in my area. My decision was narrowed by a 5 star google review that carried the most ratings in my area.
Quick and easy.
Within a couple weeks I found myself knocking on the door of my practitioner’s (now teacher) studio.
A warm greeting, a serene stillness and a stimulating aroma of herbal infusion (later found out this scent was the remnants of Febreeze). A room length mirror behind a waist high wooden counter holding a collection of high vibrational items: orgonite, rose quartz, a crystal wand, essential oils, a meditation bell, a pendulum. This quiet, sense of peace challenged my bullshit from weeks prior.
My practitioner, towering easily over my 5’7”, was juxtaposed by their gentle mama-like presence leaving me at ease.
Sitting down to fill out a client form, I noticed how tense my hands were. Anxiety ran rampant. I wondered if my practitioner picked up on my energy? Being mindful not to vomit any chunks of heartache on her after being asked what brought me in, I held most of it down and asked about her own impactful and triumphant journey with energy healing.3
I then climbed upon a comfy massage table as I was politely asked if I wanted to be covered by a warm blanket.
“Yes.”
It’s begun.
Soft sounds were queued via bluetooth speaker. I was encouraged to look at a large tapestry of scenic ocean waves until I felt relaxed enough to rest my eyes. A guided meditation led by her soothing tone, overlaid with lively sounds of nature.
I was out like a light.
The experience itself felt like floating in a safe nurturing womb. An invisible source of heat radiating out her hands - strategically placed - sent a rain of energy from the top of my skull, down to my toes. Visions came and went, the heartache from days before, forgotten.
This shit was cosmic.
The 60 ish minutes felt like 20. It was so damn good I didn’t realize I fell asleep, shaken awake by my own snoring!
Slowly easing back into a waking state, I woke reiki drunk, a term she used to describe the vibrations and intense relaxation felt after a sesh. She sent me off with a nugget of rose quartz, two affirmations carefully written on pamphlet paper, and explained my chakra health.
“… root, sacral, solar plexus, throat, heart chakras closed. Crown, and third eye [chakras] open.”
Self love affirmations...
“I am loveable & worthy of my own love <3.”
“All is well. All is well. Everything is working out to my highest good. Out of this situation, only good will come & I am safe. <3”
A new feel
As I left the sacred space and walked outside, my senses were heightened to the intricacies of life that i’d often overlook. The suns mild warmth, the brush of a slight breeze; I forgot the last time I’ve ever felt this relaxed and fluid with life.
No rush. Time wasn’t a thing.
Gliding over to my car to drive home—an otherwise mundane and anxious event—I started the engine. Two hundred ponies responded with every gear-shift, hugging me back in my seat. With each turn of the steering wheel, I felt its metal frame roll into the corners; I felt one with this machine, hyper focused. On top of this, a deep compassion was felt towards other people on the road, a new feel since my patience for other Portland drivers was usually non-existent. We’re all sharing this road together, just trying to get from point a to point b. I enjoyed this mundane event. It was me, the road, the fellow humans with dog copilots, my ol’ reliable Civic, and a new found gratitude for reiki.
Is this what reiki does to people? Can I feel like this all the time?
Another thing to note is after my 60 ish minute energy alignment, my practitioner shared that I’d be getting my hunger back very soon. And as prophesied, a hunger similar to waiting too long to eat after a sweaty workout yanked at my gut within a couple hours. I was hungry again.
Also mentioned by my practitioner, emotions may spontaneously come up over the next few days. Reassured not to worry, let them flow.
In retrospect, it’s wild how so much can change in a moment. When given the right amount of space, miraculous experiences can take shape. In 60 minutes, this session turned out to be an unexpected welcome to a world I was standing on the edge of only moments before.
These next coming months were a test and a half.
Undoing the lid off my ever bottled up inner self, feelings poured out that were sitting in the depths of me. Some thought to have been worked through years prior, others I was blindsided by.
I underestimated the walk required on this new path, soon to find out what healing really means.
With Love + Light
Gaelan
Extras & references
Find me: Instagram | LinkedIn | Medium
Photo credit: Wolfgang Hasselmann
Listen with me: Sophia by Hikikømøri
Learn: Clarity About Holy Fire Reiki
Thanks
Thank you much to the wonderful mentors, alums and fellows at ODW, for your guidance, two cents, and enduring any of my unsavory drafts. And thank you writing friends & community, who show & prove that this writing thing doesn’t always need to be a solo mission.
Holy Bible, New International Version®, 1973/1978/1984/2011, Ecclesiastes 1:9
Thrane, Susan, and Susan M Cohen. “Effect of Reiki therapy on pain and anxiety in adults: an in-depth literature review of randomized trials with effect size calculations.” Pain management nursing : official journal of the American Society of Pain Management Nurses vol. 15,4 (2014): 897-908. doi:10.1016/j.pmn.2013.07.008